"But, more seriously, as a counter, I've spent most of my adult life trying to be less 'manly' and more male (xy-chromosomer )."
Out of curiosity, what does that mean? Were you getting in bar fights or what?
I've spent time trying to become more manly in some ways. I started lifting weights, speaking with my deeper vocal cords rather than head voice, having a bit more of a sense of command, learning how to dish it back or take it in stride if someone gives me some jocular ribbing (rather than getting defensive or avoiding that person), not being whiny under any circumstances, etc. I think that modern western culture overly feminizes men, and it has been a good experience for myself to try to be more masculine.
Yep - lots of fighting - bar fights, street fights, amongst other things (at least as a kid).
I turned 40 this year, so it could be an age thing. When I was 20, I probably seemed more similar to you. At least, I was certainly motivated by similar things. I lifted a lot of weights (when I maxed out I weighed around 230 lb), etc. and really identified with masculinity and various male roles.
When I say being more male, I'm not talking about being more 'feminine' (which would just be the opposite), just more Human. For instance, in the past, I would (subconsciously) say to myself, 'what is the right thing to do as a brother, father, son, husband, man?'. Now, I say, 'what actions should I take so that I enjoy my life, the people I care about, the ideas I believe in, etc.?'
As a younger man and husband (28) who is struggling to find his own way, I find that saying "what actions should I take so that I enjoy my life, the people I care about, the ideas I believe in, etc.?", and following through with it, takes a lot of mental and emotional fortitude that must be built up and trained. I believe that having the self-respect to make a decision based on what you truly want, and then standing firm as everyone in your life fights against it, is something that is very masculine, though not exclusively masculine.
Out of curiosity, what does that mean? Were you getting in bar fights or what?
I've spent time trying to become more manly in some ways. I started lifting weights, speaking with my deeper vocal cords rather than head voice, having a bit more of a sense of command, learning how to dish it back or take it in stride if someone gives me some jocular ribbing (rather than getting defensive or avoiding that person), not being whiny under any circumstances, etc. I think that modern western culture overly feminizes men, and it has been a good experience for myself to try to be more masculine.