But, more seriously, as a counter, I've spent most of my adult life trying to be less 'manly' and more male (xy-chromosomer ). The western traditions of what it means to be 'a man' have not made my life better. Instead, they've given me anxiety, panic attacks, and caused a lot of feigned aggression, defensiveness, self medication, and regret.
I'm not against tradition, and I have a lot of respect for people who try to keep traditions alive. This one's just not for me.
Same here. Take crying for example. In our society we're seen as weak if we cry. Except crying is a perfectly valid human emotional response. Sure, we naturally don't cry as often as women but I still can't understand how we got to the point where we have to deny ourselves a basic physiological response lest we be shunned by the other monkeys who also need and want to do it!
Isn't this the case in most societies? My sense from history is that is only acceptable for men to cry at extreme events -- such as death of a wife/child/brother, or the loss of a kingdom. The other common trope for crying is if a peasant or low-level official is begging the forgiveness from a king who is about to terminate him. But in the modern society such tragedies happen less often. I cannot think of a time in my own adult life when crying would have been justified.
Actually, I my understanding is its perfectly acceptable in many Middle-Eastern countries for men to cry openly. They'll also hold another mans hand while having a conversation with him apparently.
Similar experience here - I have some "old fashioned" ideas but also a lot of progressive ones, I don't think they need be mutually exclusive.
One thing I've realised over the past few years (I'm 22) is the importance of feeling masculine. Not in the generic socially prescribed sense necessarily, but in my own way, that took a lot of contemplation about "what makes me feel masculine?" and obviously the specifics will be different for every man (and I equally think it's important for women to feel feminine in a way which empowers them), but it has made me feel so much more confident and empowered as a human being to be more in touch with my roots so to speak.
I'm glad to hear of more and more young people feeling this way. As a female who is a little bit older than you, I get worried about some of the negative effects of the younger generations being too gender-neutral. As an example, my mother and I both have a condition where we tend to get dizzy ("fainting spells"). That's one very small example of where we need to be feminine and allow men to help us out.
"But, more seriously, as a counter, I've spent most of my adult life trying to be less 'manly' and more male (xy-chromosomer )."
Out of curiosity, what does that mean? Were you getting in bar fights or what?
I've spent time trying to become more manly in some ways. I started lifting weights, speaking with my deeper vocal cords rather than head voice, having a bit more of a sense of command, learning how to dish it back or take it in stride if someone gives me some jocular ribbing (rather than getting defensive or avoiding that person), not being whiny under any circumstances, etc. I think that modern western culture overly feminizes men, and it has been a good experience for myself to try to be more masculine.
Yep - lots of fighting - bar fights, street fights, amongst other things (at least as a kid).
I turned 40 this year, so it could be an age thing. When I was 20, I probably seemed more similar to you. At least, I was certainly motivated by similar things. I lifted a lot of weights (when I maxed out I weighed around 230 lb), etc. and really identified with masculinity and various male roles.
When I say being more male, I'm not talking about being more 'feminine' (which would just be the opposite), just more Human. For instance, in the past, I would (subconsciously) say to myself, 'what is the right thing to do as a brother, father, son, husband, man?'. Now, I say, 'what actions should I take so that I enjoy my life, the people I care about, the ideas I believe in, etc.?'
As a younger man and husband (28) who is struggling to find his own way, I find that saying "what actions should I take so that I enjoy my life, the people I care about, the ideas I believe in, etc.?", and following through with it, takes a lot of mental and emotional fortitude that must be built up and trained. I believe that having the self-respect to make a decision based on what you truly want, and then standing firm as everyone in your life fights against it, is something that is very masculine, though not exclusively masculine.
But, more seriously, as a counter, I've spent most of my adult life trying to be less 'manly' and more male (xy-chromosomer ). The western traditions of what it means to be 'a man' have not made my life better. Instead, they've given me anxiety, panic attacks, and caused a lot of feigned aggression, defensiveness, self medication, and regret.
I'm not against tradition, and I have a lot of respect for people who try to keep traditions alive. This one's just not for me.