There's no such thing as a legal open relationship.
Maybe there should be. I think the world would be a happier place if people who aren't naturally monogamous didn't have to pretend to be - to themselves, or to anyone else.
The space in that place is a natural sticky area for sociopaths who enjoy lying and hurting people. Making "poly" an explicit orientation would make that space smaller and save everyone a lot of confusion.
But marriage is as much about property, taxes, and inheritance as it is about sex. That's the real reason it's a binary in/out yes/no state. And it's difficult to make those elements work when there are multiple people involved.
That aside - yes, it definitely is weird that starting wars and torturing people gets by with a nod and a wink, but infidelity brings out the howler monkeys. I think the reason is because virtue in America is defined by heroic force projection, greedy accumulation of resources, and dominance over enemies and the weak.
If you look like you're doing that, it's all fine. Having sex with people you aren't married to doesn't fit into that, so it gets big downvotes for weak self-indulgence, and - most of all - for leaving you vulnerable to a counterattack on your status and reputation.
Maybe there should be. I think the world would be a happier place if people who aren't naturally monogamous didn't have to pretend to be - to themselves, or to anyone else.
The space in that place is a natural sticky area for sociopaths who enjoy lying and hurting people. Making "poly" an explicit orientation would make that space smaller and save everyone a lot of confusion.
But marriage is as much about property, taxes, and inheritance as it is about sex. That's the real reason it's a binary in/out yes/no state. And it's difficult to make those elements work when there are multiple people involved.
That aside - yes, it definitely is weird that starting wars and torturing people gets by with a nod and a wink, but infidelity brings out the howler monkeys. I think the reason is because virtue in America is defined by heroic force projection, greedy accumulation of resources, and dominance over enemies and the weak.
If you look like you're doing that, it's all fine. Having sex with people you aren't married to doesn't fit into that, so it gets big downvotes for weak self-indulgence, and - most of all - for leaving you vulnerable to a counterattack on your status and reputation.