You seem like a smart fellow. Problem with emotions is that sometimes they doesn't seem so rational - its hard to figure out whats going on with us.

I would strongly suggest you lean on someone (friends, family, professional, a suport group) until you can figure out a plan to escape.

To answer your question, my reasons for living is finding happiness from inside - I try to learn how to be happy when either it's raining or sunny, rich or poor, single or married - etc.

If you (or anyone!) wants to have a chat my email is my profile.