I use it myself, but I'm thinking about leaving.

The lead developer you refer to is still in charge despite what may have been posted. He is a known to suffer from extreme paranoia and to this day remains overzealous in banning anyone who he (even slightly) disagrees with. The buzz word he uses is "spreading misinformation".

It's not really a deal breaker in using grapheneos, but don't try to ask him anything technical about the project or he might ban you.

I am an ardent anti-custom-ROM/OS advocate

Not because I inherently "trust" Google/Apple/etc ... but because I do not have the time to worry about random incompatibilities with my devices - I've got kids, a full-time job, and other stuff to think/worry about ... fiddlefutzing with a phone (or other device) OS is about the LAST thing I want to take up space in my schedule :)

GrapheneOS, despite its human problems (as admitted by its project lead), does have at least near perfect if not perfect compatibility with the Google Pixel devices listed as release targets on the GrapheneOS website.

What exactly to do to benefit from the technology benefits of GrapheneOS, but protect the actual users, is still an open question.

Almost a year a go the lead developer of GrapheneOS, Daniel Micay, publicly admitted that he was experiencing mental health issues and announced he would step down from the project. As displayed by Micay's behavior, just in the last few days even, he is still dealing with those issues. Micay will jump to cry he is being "harassed" and melt down when he meets just the slightest amount of resistance in a discussion that hasn't deviated from technology. He will even do this simply due to the format or style one chooses to reply with, irrespective of content.

Today, we can see that Micay deleted off of GitHub his announcement that he stepped down, probably when he thought not a lot of people were looking. As evidenced by the writing style and choice of words on the project's social accounts, Micay is operating those social media accounts. The recent Git commit history shows he's active in the project again.

Micay does do great technical work. However he is very quick to jump to accuse others of "harassment" and "misinformation", dividing development efforts and excluding others from projects in what looks like an attempt to control others and reduce competition in the space.

As Louis Rossman pointed out, Micay bullies other people, some would even call it "harassment", then tries to hide it behind an excuse the he suffers some form of autism.