I think the solution to your problem is relatively easy. You want something different, but your wife won't sign off on it in advance, because she's reasonably concerned about making ends meet.
The solution to this is to get the opportunity lined up before presenting it to your wife, and without quitting your current job (which by the way, has a time bomb sitting on it - your boss had to convince you to stay so they might be lining up a replacement for you already. Really depends on the nature of that relationship and company.)
If you really want to work for a startup, find some well funded ones, go interview with them (take long lunch breaks or a few personal days) and get some job offers at %120 of your current salary. Your wife will have trouble turning down a raise from a company that you really want to work for.
Most companies want "recommendations" but this is a legally dangerous situation anyway (even a positive recommendation opens the recommender up to legal liability for not being positive enough.) Most people will understand that your current employer cannot give a recommendation and when they ask about them, don't badmouth your current employer just say they're good but they can't give you what you need.
Anyway, that's how I'd approach it. If working for a startup means you'd have to move somewhere else, then you might look into the possibility of getting another corporate job, but in a startup hub, relocating there for a few years before making the switch to a startup.
The solution to this is to get the opportunity lined up before presenting it to your wife, and without quitting your current job (which by the way, has a time bomb sitting on it - your boss had to convince you to stay so they might be lining up a replacement for you already. Really depends on the nature of that relationship and company.)
If you really want to work for a startup, find some well funded ones, go interview with them (take long lunch breaks or a few personal days) and get some job offers at %120 of your current salary. Your wife will have trouble turning down a raise from a company that you really want to work for.
Most companies want "recommendations" but this is a legally dangerous situation anyway (even a positive recommendation opens the recommender up to legal liability for not being positive enough.) Most people will understand that your current employer cannot give a recommendation and when they ask about them, don't badmouth your current employer just say they're good but they can't give you what you need.
Anyway, that's how I'd approach it. If working for a startup means you'd have to move somewhere else, then you might look into the possibility of getting another corporate job, but in a startup hub, relocating there for a few years before making the switch to a startup.