Speaking as an American who grew up in the South, moved to San Francisco for a few years, left SF to travel with my wife and work remotely in an RV, and changed from Christian to athiest/agnostic later in life: I think a core problem is that we are getting much more polarized in our beliefs and ideology than we even realize. I don’t even mean that in the sense that our beliefs are diverging, but that there is an increasingly strong mentality of “If you’re not with us, you’re against us.” I’ve spent time in strongly liberal and strongly conservative areas, and everyone is very careful to “toe the line.” Most places I’ve been fall increasingly in the category of strongly liberal or strongly conservative. The dividing line is often rural or urban. As someone who is no longer religious, with a spattering of conservative and liberal views, who has friends and family I love on all spectrums of belief, it’s quite stifling to feel as though I have to “read the room” before opening my mouth and being honest. People are ready to either get extremely defensive or go on the attack. So, as you said, the least common denominator of discussion is the most common: shallow conversation about what you did that day, the weather, food, travel plans… nothing deep or emotional.
If you yourself belong strongly in the same ideological camp, and you find others who are, it can suddenly feel a lot more inclusive. You can feel what passes for a deep connection, as long as you don’t have opinions that diverge.
Interestingly, after losing my faith but having people I care for across multiple belief systems, I started seeing other people from a less judgmental eye and more from the idea that we should expect people to be unique based on their own experiences. Everything doesn’t have to be a massive good-vs-evil fight for who is right. We’re just humans who are much more influenced by things outside our control than we realize. Having deep, non-combative conversations about different perspectives developed by different experiences is something we are all missing out on in our current social environment.
If you yourself belong strongly in the same ideological camp, and you find others who are, it can suddenly feel a lot more inclusive. You can feel what passes for a deep connection, as long as you don’t have opinions that diverge. Interestingly, after losing my faith but having people I care for across multiple belief systems, I started seeing other people from a less judgmental eye and more from the idea that we should expect people to be unique based on their own experiences. Everything doesn’t have to be a massive good-vs-evil fight for who is right. We’re just humans who are much more influenced by things outside our control than we realize. Having deep, non-combative conversations about different perspectives developed by different experiences is something we are all missing out on in our current social environment.