I've seen this "change your friends" thing before, when it is perceived that they are holding you back. Is it me, or does this not seem a little callous?
I've worked hard to get where I am now, and I've got a good s/w dev job, and am working towards having my own s/w company etc. And it takes a long time and it's hard but I still do it because I've a clear vision of where I want to be. But my friends aren't like that. Mostly they have jobs that they do only for the money, and aren't driven to put the extra effort in outside of work in order to get where they would prefer to be.
I have quite a few friends (I like to think!), and I'm not friends with them because they further my own selfish ends, I'm friends with them because they're good people to be around, they're funny and witty, and we're pretty much guaranteed a good laugh when we get together. I couldn't imagine deliberately splitting away from them in order to meet more business-minded people.
Surely if you "choose" friends (because making good friends is really as easy as saying, "I'll have you, you, and you") solely for selfish means then you're not being a good friend to anyone. Although I do want to make money and be rich and run my own company, I have no interest in being the next Tim Ferris (author of The 4 Hour Work Week), who I see as being the personification of self-interest.
This is not meant as a criticism, only that I think that we should be careful with the "change your friends" advice. Good friends are as much an investment of your time and energy as anything else.
You don't need to drop your existing friends to make new friends. Just make new friends. Eventually you'll either hang out with them more than the others, or not.
Also, as a s/w entrepreneur myself who hangs out with a lot of similar people, I made an effort over the last few years to make friends on different career paths. It's nice to talk about something besides technology and startups from time to time.
My closest friend is still a college buddy. He works in a completely different industry and has different goals in life, but we still relate on a fundamental level.
Is it really necessary to look at friends in terms of "ROI"? Should I calculate the ROI for each friend? And if a particular friend falls below his/her expected "return" (however that's calculated) then do I ditch them?
> Your current friends and "business-minded people" aren't the only options.
I agree, I inferred that these were the only two options from the "change your friends" advice. I wanted to highlight the importance of having a good set of people around you, and that aiming only for business-minded people is probably a bad idea (in my opinion). Especially since I've seen this advice handed out more than once on this forum and others.
How about HOI - happiness on investment. If you're happy with your social life, don't change it. If you aren't, then why the hell are you repeating the patterns that got you there?
He said: "I can't socialize with most people my age: only thinking about partying, the girl they hooked up last weekend"
You said: "I'm friends with them because they're good people to be around, they're funny and witty, and we're pretty much guaranteed a good laugh when we get together."
Can't you see that your situation is a mirror of OP?
I've worked hard to get where I am now, and I've got a good s/w dev job, and am working towards having my own s/w company etc. And it takes a long time and it's hard but I still do it because I've a clear vision of where I want to be. But my friends aren't like that. Mostly they have jobs that they do only for the money, and aren't driven to put the extra effort in outside of work in order to get where they would prefer to be.
I have quite a few friends (I like to think!), and I'm not friends with them because they further my own selfish ends, I'm friends with them because they're good people to be around, they're funny and witty, and we're pretty much guaranteed a good laugh when we get together. I couldn't imagine deliberately splitting away from them in order to meet more business-minded people.
Surely if you "choose" friends (because making good friends is really as easy as saying, "I'll have you, you, and you") solely for selfish means then you're not being a good friend to anyone. Although I do want to make money and be rich and run my own company, I have no interest in being the next Tim Ferris (author of The 4 Hour Work Week), who I see as being the personification of self-interest.
This is not meant as a criticism, only that I think that we should be careful with the "change your friends" advice. Good friends are as much an investment of your time and energy as anything else.