> I don't have the skills to switch to a different company

Go and learn. Skills are not set in stone.

> I don't perform well remotely, and my wife won't consider relocating

I understand that. I don't know you, but maybe a nicer setup with more (not too direct) sunlight can make it better?

"Go and learn. Skills are not set in stone."

Sure, but learning takes time, which I have little of. It's also much easier for some than others (getting significantly more difficult as I age).

The main remote issue is that my wife interrupts me to do stuff or answer questions throughout the day. I also feel I'm slower to learn remotely. I think that if I'm an expert in the tech already, then remote could work.

I get it, but you already have a job. I assume you are be pretty busy, but at least you already have a secure source of money and you're not against the clock or anything like that.

You don't need to spend all day in a class like a university student. An hour a day dedicated to lectures, practice and taking some notes with pencil and paper* can do wonders on the long term.

As for your wife, maybe you can talk to her and ask her to leave you alone for some specific times, unless it's urgent. Or ask her to send you a message instead of talking so it doesn't interrupt your focus so much.

* Some research on learning has proven that taking notes like that is way more effective than typing on a keyboard.

Thanks. I have tried talking to her, but the results weren't great. I do try to learn things outside of work. The main problem is if you don't use it, you lose it. Without constant practice it's hard to build and retain skills. I don't even have an hour a day free for that due to work and home responsibilities.

You don't lose it completely, though. And it's easier to relearn and get back on track than to learn it the first time.

I learned C like ten years ago and then I moved on to PHP and then to JavaScript. I'm sure I forgot most of it. But thanks to that, I'm now learning Golang and when it came to pointers it clicked almost instantly.

True, the concepts transfer. But for me the concepts are always easy. The implementation/syntax/libraries are harder for me. I know at least I can go back and use prior projects as a guide... if I ever return to that tech. That's probably a big one for me, that I feel like the work ends up being thrown away if i never use it again. Although things like Android development has changed significantly with things like apk to aab, Java in Eclipse to Kotlin in Studio (Jet Brains), etc.

Work remotely, but leave your house.

It's okay to say tech jobs aren't the right fit as well.

They might not be. I'm hesitant to admit that because 1) They used to be and I was a high performer at a mediocre non-tech company 2) There's nothing else I can do to earn enough to support my family.

>There's nothing else I can do to earn enough to support my family.

Honest question that I know won't be well-received on HN: I don't know your personal details, but do you think there is not anyone else in a lower paid job who has figured out a way to support their family?

Frustration stems from when reality doesn't meet our expectations. You can choose to try and bend reality to your will or change your expectations. One is significantly easier than the other.

Sure, I can take a lower paying job. We would likely have to sell our house and move to an apartment and give up hope of retirement. The thing is, many of these people in lower paying job still make decent money, but those are skilled jobs. I would have to go to a trade school or apprentice for many of those, but likely couldn't due to needing an income. Because I would be unskilled labor, I would probably be looking at jobs around $20/hr with benefits (if I'm lucky). Without benefits, we'll be bankrupt quickly.

Most of my frustration is because my bosses are assholes. I now expect bosses to be assholes, but it's still frustrating.

Get the skills, limited doesn’t mean none, get better at performing remotely, drop the wife…

You are in complete control over your life, but you have to accept that responsibility. Stop blaming externalities and start owning your choices.

Everything is a tradeoff. Just because someone view the weight of the choices differently doesn't mean they are wrong. Check your ego.

Did I say you were wrong? No, you did.

No ego, just facts, and your attitude here is crap, your headspace is so negative I’m not at all surprised you’re suffering such as you are.

Based on your comment history, you seem to be very aggressive and derogatory. I would almost say you're trolling. It's quite pedantic to claim you never said someone is wrong even after you've said several things which effectively say that.

I'm not the person who is causing your anger and frustration, but the fact that you choose to berate me instead of do anything about your situation speaks volumes.