>"I find that premarital sex or premarital cohabitation that is limited to a woman's husband is not associated with an elevated risk of marital disruption. However, women who have more than one intimate premarital relationship have an increased risk of marital dissolution."
>"A truism in psychology is that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. This is no less true in the realm of sexual behavior. Indeed, one of the strongest predictors of marital infidelity is one’s number of prior sex partners (Buss, 2000). Deception about past sexual promiscuity would have inflicted greater costs, on average, on men than on women"
There's plenty more. We can keep this up all day. There's very little to support your idea of partner count or marriage count having little influence, and quite a lot to support the opposite.
>It is never horrible advice to suggest to someone that they try to minimize their unhappiness
The problem with your "advice" is that it sets up exactly that perfection part, even if your intentions are different. It also discredits the idea of growing together, when in reality most people do just fine with any partner which meets some set of minimal values, followed by growing together and overcoming obstacles. "Minimal" does not include any of the things you mention, rather it comes to realistic terms that shooting for the stars is a bad idea and growing together is far more important than being an instant husband/wife.
Relationships require work and investment. "Never settle" has translated into "there is always better" for many. It's the same thing that happens when children become adults. They grow less tolerant of things, and with that comes less willingness to see past their initial judgment.
> most people do just fine with any partner which meets some set of minimal values, followed by growing together and overcoming obstacles
I can't help but wonder how many of these couples -- who decided to marry without having mutual care, validation, respect, and attraction to one another beforehand -- are actually happy (let alone content) and not cheating on or otherwise abusing one another.
>"I find that premarital sex or premarital cohabitation that is limited to a woman's husband is not associated with an elevated risk of marital disruption. However, women who have more than one intimate premarital relationship have an increased risk of marital dissolution."
https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167204271303
>"A truism in psychology is that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. This is no less true in the realm of sexual behavior. Indeed, one of the strongest predictors of marital infidelity is one’s number of prior sex partners (Buss, 2000). Deception about past sexual promiscuity would have inflicted greater costs, on average, on men than on women"
There's plenty more. We can keep this up all day. There's very little to support your idea of partner count or marriage count having little influence, and quite a lot to support the opposite.
>It is never horrible advice to suggest to someone that they try to minimize their unhappiness
The problem with your "advice" is that it sets up exactly that perfection part, even if your intentions are different. It also discredits the idea of growing together, when in reality most people do just fine with any partner which meets some set of minimal values, followed by growing together and overcoming obstacles. "Minimal" does not include any of the things you mention, rather it comes to realistic terms that shooting for the stars is a bad idea and growing together is far more important than being an instant husband/wife.
Relationships require work and investment. "Never settle" has translated into "there is always better" for many. It's the same thing that happens when children become adults. They grow less tolerant of things, and with that comes less willingness to see past their initial judgment.