I’ve reached the point where my attitude is “onboard myself.”
I find out what I need to do my job, and get the company to give it to me. Usually means making the same request again and again and again. Which is good practice for the actual work of coding in big orgs.
Then there are the pro forma classes that are a necessary evil:
No, I will not give bribes to foreign officials in violation of the American Corrupt Foreign Practices Act.
No, I will not engage in a romantic relationship with a direct report.
No, I will not make stock trades based off insider knowledge.
Yes, I support will support the company’s effort to promote diversity, even though 80% of the people I work with are contractors and therefore not included in diversity statements (and all fall into predictable ethnic categories).
These classes aren’t bad, but they feel like moral potty training.
The worst part is making all the freaking accounts. Every employer contracts out every possible function. Paystubs in one web site. 401ks in another. New insurance cards.
And make sure you give Expensify your banking info.
And then there’s the mandatory security training for certification.
Then you have the weird way we auth into AWS, which is totally different at every single place.
Oh yeah, and don’t forget about the next Sprint ceremony. And BTW, every company has its own Sprint liturgical calendar.
I’m married to a lovely woman who happens to be an Orthodox Christian, so our family celebrates Christmas and Easter on two different dates in two very different ways. During Advent my wife is fasting while I’m feasting.
It’s like that but with Retros and Planning sessions. Just similar enough to be confusing.
> I find out what I need to do my job, and get the company to give it to me. Usually means making the same request again and again and again. Which is good practice for the actual work of coding in big orgs.
Onboarding processes are done to get most/all those questions answered immediately out of the bat, and in the process spare your team members from time sinks of being repeatedly pestered with having to answer the same question over and over again.
Onboarding is really not about you. It's for everyone which will have to be around you. More importantly, it's to avoid everyone around you wasting their time and energy with unnecessary hand-holding.
If you make onboarding about yourself, you're missing the whole point.
Then... there is onboarding with your enterprise. And that is all about compliance and benefits. It's still "really not about you". It's about HR, Legal. All important functions of the enterprise, but only very loosely related to the job you're hired for.
I find out what I need to do my job, and get the company to give it to me. Usually means making the same request again and again and again. Which is good practice for the actual work of coding in big orgs.
Then there are the pro forma classes that are a necessary evil:
No, I will not give bribes to foreign officials in violation of the American Corrupt Foreign Practices Act.
No, I will not engage in a romantic relationship with a direct report.
No, I will not make stock trades based off insider knowledge.
Yes, I support will support the company’s effort to promote diversity, even though 80% of the people I work with are contractors and therefore not included in diversity statements (and all fall into predictable ethnic categories).
These classes aren’t bad, but they feel like moral potty training.
The worst part is making all the freaking accounts. Every employer contracts out every possible function. Paystubs in one web site. 401ks in another. New insurance cards.
And make sure you give Expensify your banking info.
And then there’s the mandatory security training for certification.
Then you have the weird way we auth into AWS, which is totally different at every single place.
Oh yeah, and don’t forget about the next Sprint ceremony. And BTW, every company has its own Sprint liturgical calendar.
I’m married to a lovely woman who happens to be an Orthodox Christian, so our family celebrates Christmas and Easter on two different dates in two very different ways. During Advent my wife is fasting while I’m feasting.
It’s like that but with Retros and Planning sessions. Just similar enough to be confusing.
Maybe I should just stop switching jobs so often.