Friend told me that they had serious social anxiety. Also they're on the spectrum. One on one they seemed quiet when we first met, but not pathologically so. However, when we're out and about they tend to not speak to anybody, whereas I'll say 'hi' to my neighbours. In small groups, they tend to be super-quiet and to self-medicate with alcohol.
So, I was really surprised to find out that they had worked as a bartender. I can't give specific recipes, but there are forms to a lot of small-talk. That's what I mean by "macros". Of course, misfiring can lead to the hilarious/awkward interactions like "Happy Birthday! Thanks, you too! Doh!"
Things like looking at areas of the face that aren't eyes sporadically can help with making at least intermittent eye contact, if that's uncomfortable for you.
This seems to get better with age, although not to go away. You just develop more habits and skills. As I said, I used to be too shy to hand out my business card at first, but it just becomes a habit. You can practice it.
On the one hand, viewing social skills as skills to be learned can help, but it can also lead to IMO anti-social behaviour like PUA. If other people see you as trying too hard or being formulaic, that's a turnoff. With PUA, there's a nasty undercurrent.
Sorry, I don't have anything more concrete. Maybe this -- take small steps to get out of your comfort zone, almost like desensitization training. Don't do it all at once so you don't freak out, and don't beat yourself up too hard if you get embarassed about how you think others are reacting to you. If people are actually shitty to you, then hang out with better people.
After COVID, I think I'm going to try to do some standup comedy. The thought of bombing in front of an audience is terrifying, but also kind of delicious. I love those incredibly awkward scenes in TV shows or movies where you're dying inside for the characters. Maybe you can just go meta on awkward/embarassing situations and pivot from awkward to hilarious.
EDIT> What about framing the problem as writing scripts / playbooks for a chatbot, except that chatbot is you. Do little teeny tests, bit by bit, expanding your comfort zone / social envelope.
So, I was really surprised to find out that they had worked as a bartender. I can't give specific recipes, but there are forms to a lot of small-talk. That's what I mean by "macros". Of course, misfiring can lead to the hilarious/awkward interactions like "Happy Birthday! Thanks, you too! Doh!"
Things like looking at areas of the face that aren't eyes sporadically can help with making at least intermittent eye contact, if that's uncomfortable for you.
This seems to get better with age, although not to go away. You just develop more habits and skills. As I said, I used to be too shy to hand out my business card at first, but it just becomes a habit. You can practice it.
On the one hand, viewing social skills as skills to be learned can help, but it can also lead to IMO anti-social behaviour like PUA. If other people see you as trying too hard or being formulaic, that's a turnoff. With PUA, there's a nasty undercurrent.
Sorry, I don't have anything more concrete. Maybe this -- take small steps to get out of your comfort zone, almost like desensitization training. Don't do it all at once so you don't freak out, and don't beat yourself up too hard if you get embarassed about how you think others are reacting to you. If people are actually shitty to you, then hang out with better people.
After COVID, I think I'm going to try to do some standup comedy. The thought of bombing in front of an audience is terrifying, but also kind of delicious. I love those incredibly awkward scenes in TV shows or movies where you're dying inside for the characters. Maybe you can just go meta on awkward/embarassing situations and pivot from awkward to hilarious.
EDIT> What about framing the problem as writing scripts / playbooks for a chatbot, except that chatbot is you. Do little teeny tests, bit by bit, expanding your comfort zone / social envelope.