I'm a compsci undergrad with no social life.
My daily social exchanges were limited to my colleages at university and room mates, and for the past five months I've been sitting alone at my desk procrastinating, scrolling down reddit and HN numbed of my senses. I've since discovered that these people don't really care about me, as no one bothers to even send me the occasional message or call.
I've been dodging bullets at college, yet still receiving praises and oportunities from my professors and actually every real and functioning adult (unlike me) regarding my "skills" on programming and music. Opportunities which, interestingly enough, actually make me feel worthless because I always feel like a fraud and that I'm not good enough for anything.
I have no job, no income, no dreams or aspirations and being trapped here, unable to do anything to distract myself (talk to colleages, Grindr hookups), has me constantly thinking of how empty and devoid of personality and life I am.
My mother is every day more verbal about wanting me out of the house (despite me paying the bills using the government grant intended to pay for college), and in the midst of it all I've been trying to fix my relationship with my father to find he only wants me as a tool for legal benefits (due to my parents' divorce).
I keep myself fantasizing about suicide, but it's okay because at least I'm confident enough I'm not (that) stupid. Also, my "problems" are just part of a temporary state of mind and don't even compare to real problems many people are going through everywhere.
Thanks for asking, op. Writing all these things down actually clears up my mind a bit.
Sometimes writing this helps for me as well. I'm truly glad it cleared your mind a bit.
Please don't ever consider suicide seriously. It's not a way out - but a way to hurt many more than you will ever realize. I've already posted plenty in this thread, and don't want to repeat my own situation.
Please look into the suicide hotline, or feel free to reach out (you can likely find me in my profile) if only to talk.
This is difficult for us all, and I empathize with your situation.
I've been dodging bullets at college, yet still receiving praises and oportunities from my professors and actually every real and functioning adult (unlike me) regarding my "skills" on programming and music. Opportunities which, interestingly enough, actually make me feel worthless because I always feel like a fraud and that I'm not good enough for anything.
I have no job, no income, no dreams or aspirations and being trapped here, unable to do anything to distract myself (talk to colleages, Grindr hookups), has me constantly thinking of how empty and devoid of personality and life I am.
My mother is every day more verbal about wanting me out of the house (despite me paying the bills using the government grant intended to pay for college), and in the midst of it all I've been trying to fix my relationship with my father to find he only wants me as a tool for legal benefits (due to my parents' divorce).
I keep myself fantasizing about suicide, but it's okay because at least I'm confident enough I'm not (that) stupid. Also, my "problems" are just part of a temporary state of mind and don't even compare to real problems many people are going through everywhere.
Thanks for asking, op. Writing all these things down actually clears up my mind a bit.
[edit: formatting]