Yeah I was sort of disappointed with the general response here as well.

"If I don't think your experience is valid, _it is not valid_. Oh you have that experience? Well it's wrong. Get a new one."

The fact is that it was upvoted because it is - to some degree - a shared experience, an experience which resonated with others. If we invalidate these experiences, we don't fix them - we suppress them. You may be able to invalidate engineering problems, but it does not work the same for interpersonal ones.

I dont know, i found it interesting that a lot of people are denying OP's issues. I think it is a kind of stockholm syndrome - people need to justify their current situation and legitimize it in their own eyes. I generally like Ask HN the way it is and i dont find it problematic

I have to admit that in a recent Ask HN I got downvoted for criticising the poster. It might have been better to say nothing. It's hard to judge, though, because sometimes, on balance, it's the best advice you can give. I can answer the question you asked, or I can answer the question you should have asked ;-)

I kind of think of it like the original question being, "I'd like to jump off of a cliff and I plan to strap pillows to myself to break my fall. What are the best pillow for the job for under $20?"

Upon reading the question you think, "Should I answer? If I don't, maybe this guy will jump off a cliff. If I tell them the best pillows for breaking your fall for under $20 without mentioning that the pillows definitely won't work, that's probably the worst thing I could do. If I say, "Um... your plan is probably not great. Pillows aren't going to save you from jumping off of a cliff", it's pretty negative but perhaps that's what the OP needs to hear.

With this particular question, I suppose it might be easiest to ignore it. However, I know I've felt exactly the same way at times in my career. Honestly, even now, if someone could provide me a TODO list of technical tasks and leave me to it, I'd be on cloud 9. It's would be especially good if they didn't complain when I do what they asked but the business suffered because they asked for the wrong thing.

There are actually some jobs that are a bit like that, but in my experience you always get bitten in the end. The programmer is always blamed, rightly or wrongly -- for the very reasons that the OP is unhappy with corporate culture!

I could answer: Do some freelancing and target small startup companies with pigheaded CEOs who have no idea that they actually need a development team. Most of those people will swear up and down that they know exactly what they want and that it will be 100%, for sure, the very thing the company needs. As long as you have a thick skin, you can take their money, ship them their software and when they inevitably blow a crater in the ground for themselves, just don't return their calls. I know lots of people who make a good living doing this.

But that's not what I think the OP asked for. They asked for a thing that doesn't exist. If they are the type to get hyper stressed out about inter-personal relationships, then going down this track is the wrong direction to go. So what do you do? Give them the answer to the question they asked, knowing that it's going to lead to unhappiness, or give them the answer to the question they should have asked?

To answer an earlier Ask HN, this is the kind of comment I save to reread in the future by replying to it.