Trigger warning for health anxiety folks. Nothing to see here.
I will never forget one day I opened Hacker News, and the top story was about a 30-year-old programmer named Jonathan (also my name, and I'm 29) who found out about his terminal cancer spreading throughout his body. This was one of many trigger moments in my life.
I struggle against health anxiety. Specifically, I am obsessed with dying young from cancer.
I am not diagnosed with OCD, but health anxiety presents very similar behaviors.
When I feel particularly vulnerable to a specific kind of cancer, I tend to research and wrap my head around probabilities, prevention, and everything I can to hedge myself against that cancer. I'm constantly checking in with small pains in my body.
I have chronic back issues (partially because of my posture while working). Pain exacerbates the anxiety.
For the first two months of this year, I couldn't hold my infant son without ending up on the edge of tears, because I was emotionally convinced I would die before I ever had the chance to see him grow up.
One understated effect of OCD and anxiety is the feeling of guilt you can foster because of your own behavior.
My wife's father recently went through a battle with pancreatic cancer. It was a complete rollercoaster. He ended up having the unlikely type, in a good way - he is now cancer free. But one moment stands out to me: when she came to tell me about what they had found. She started out by telling me, "I don't want to trigger your anxiety..." This both broke my heart and made me feel understood.
This is something that really has more influence on life than you expect. I feel for those of you who struggle with OCD, anxiety, and any other mental health issues. I don't have an answer, other than you are not alone. You're not isolated. You aren't the first to experience this, and you can live your life WITH the struggle, even if it feels impossible.
Seek help. Surround yourself with people who love you and want to understand and help. Don't seek reassurance; seek acceptance.
I will never forget one day I opened Hacker News, and the top story was about a 30-year-old programmer named Jonathan (also my name, and I'm 29) who found out about his terminal cancer spreading throughout his body. This was one of many trigger moments in my life.
I struggle against health anxiety. Specifically, I am obsessed with dying young from cancer.
I am not diagnosed with OCD, but health anxiety presents very similar behaviors.
When I feel particularly vulnerable to a specific kind of cancer, I tend to research and wrap my head around probabilities, prevention, and everything I can to hedge myself against that cancer. I'm constantly checking in with small pains in my body.
I have chronic back issues (partially because of my posture while working). Pain exacerbates the anxiety.
For the first two months of this year, I couldn't hold my infant son without ending up on the edge of tears, because I was emotionally convinced I would die before I ever had the chance to see him grow up.
One understated effect of OCD and anxiety is the feeling of guilt you can foster because of your own behavior.
My wife's father recently went through a battle with pancreatic cancer. It was a complete rollercoaster. He ended up having the unlikely type, in a good way - he is now cancer free. But one moment stands out to me: when she came to tell me about what they had found. She started out by telling me, "I don't want to trigger your anxiety..." This both broke my heart and made me feel understood.
This is something that really has more influence on life than you expect. I feel for those of you who struggle with OCD, anxiety, and any other mental health issues. I don't have an answer, other than you are not alone. You're not isolated. You aren't the first to experience this, and you can live your life WITH the struggle, even if it feels impossible.
Seek help. Surround yourself with people who love you and want to understand and help. Don't seek reassurance; seek acceptance.