It sounds like you're blocking udev while your script executes, and instead you should start a service from your udev script and then exit. For example, see systemd-run(1).
> ...where whole swaths of legitimate use cases are actively destroyed.
Your use case is fine. Your implementation doesn't fit with udev's design; that's all.
Actually, it's udevd itself doing that. A regular child-killing rampage is built into its main loop. To avoid it, one must arrange to not run the desired program directly, but rather to make udevd activate another service that in turn runs the desired program.
> ...where whole swaths of legitimate use cases are actively destroyed.
Your use case is fine. Your implementation doesn't fit with udev's design; that's all.